Perhaps you’ve had to listen to that schmuck who’s always reading Nietzsche in the coffee shop babble on about the Existential horror, and it’s conjured up an image of Pennywise the clown quoting Waiting for Godot. (“In an instant all will vanish and we’ll be alone once more, floating in the midst of nothingness. Oh, how we’ll float!”) Well, you’re actually pretty much on target there. Observe the following beasts, and learn the true meaning of fear.

Mummy Shark with Rabies and a Flame Thrower.

Werewolf Dentist Child-Molester with the Swine Flu.

Communist Ghost Spider with a Chainsaw Who Talks Shit Behind Your Back.

Fascist Loch Ness Monster Who Chats on Her Cell Phone During the Movie